By Way of Your Misleadings

I am cold, wrapped in blankets;
so thoughtful in bed.
I’m upside down, frozen solid,
in the frost-bit grip of my longing for you.

I am sedate, wallpaper quiet;

so in tune with my heart.
I’m twisted up, void and sinking,
down in the pit of my dreaming of you.

I cannot convince life to rearrange its affairs.

I cannot re-ink the book of destiny or love.
I am a slave to these withouts—

But I fight!

Was I not the sun which penetrated your windows?

The light which filled the dark corners of your uncertainty?
And was I not the swallowtail on your shoulder,
the ebony jewelwing around your feet?

If there was something you admired, I became it.

If your heart was sore, I kissed it.
I was every autumn leaf changing
and falling along the contours of your soul.

You are a thief!

You’ve stolen the map to love’s horizon,

left me stranded on clouds full of rain.
Where has my responsibility gone? My reason?
You took it all, replaced it with nothing.

Now I’m lethargic in the crack of your heart,

the garments of adoration thinned out by moths.
A treasure of love’s potential surrounds us—
each yawning jewel bright with boredom.


(From the book Kairos)