Charon Falls into the Styx

A skinny old man stands on the shore of the river Styx. He removes his tie and suit jacket. Next his dress shoes, slacks, and pressed shirt. He always hated being dressed like that, even as a funeral director. Why didn’t his wife bury him in his Hawaiian shirt like he’d asked? She never did listen, that woman.

Charon emerges from the fog in his creaky wooden boat. Seeing the old man in nothing but black socks and tighty-whities causes him to snicker. This leads to heavy laughter, which in turn leads to a hoarse guffaw. In fact, he laughs so hard he loses his balance and tumbles forward off the boat and into the river. Seeing this, the old man scowls. That is not very professional, he thinks. I could do a much better job than that fool!

Charon clambers back into the boat and reaches for his pole, still laughing. He squeezes the water from his shroud and pulls the hood up over his pale dome. As the boat nears the shore he motions for the nearly-naked man to step aboard. The old-timer climbs in and glares at the ferryman. Neither speaks.

Finally, Charon holds out an upturned hand. “So . . . got my fee?” he asks with a slight chuckle. “Maybe in that . . . spiffy jacket on shore there?” He looks away while biting his tongue to keep from laughing. The old man sighs heavily, digs into the front of his underwear, and pulls out a gold coin. A curly gray hair falls into the boat as he offers the payment to Charon, who takes a step back. “No, keep it! Keep it!” he laughs, dropping the pole to grab his heaving sides. “Please!”

And once again Charon falls off his boat and into the river Styx—only this time he disappears beneath the waves. When the shroud resurfaces, the old man leans over, pulls it aboard, and proudly puts it on. Flesh drops off his bones as cries of suffering arise in the distance. Throwing up his hood, the ferryman grabs the pole and pushes off into the fog.

(From the book The Hunchback's Captive and Others)