Frozen at the Leaving (old unpublished poem)

I stood at the mirror
until I saw what I liked,
then grabbed my coat
with a childlike smile.
(God, days like this
are so rare)
On the table
a daisy
the perfect flower
a guaranteed kiss.
I take it,
take a deep breath,
grab the keys,
and head for the door.
There, I catch myself happy.
It feels strange, a bit alien;
is it really here to stay?
I think of my father
and how he died a stranger.
Still, I am happy.
I think about poverty, racism, war.
Still, I am happy.
I think of how let down I've been,
how love has abandoned me.
Still, I am happy.
(God, days like this
are rare indeed). 

I turn the doorknob
and the phone rings.
I am terrified.
 

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