Frozen at the Leaving (old unpublished poem)

I stood at the mirror

until I saw what I liked,

then grabbed my coat

with a childlike smile.

(God, days like this

are so rare)

On the table

a daisy

the perfect flower

a guaranteed kiss.

I take it,

take a deep breath,

grab the keys,

and head for the door.

There, I catch myself happy.

It feels strange, a bit alien;

is it really here to stay?

I think of my father

and how he died a stranger.

Still, I am happy.

I think about poverty, racism, war.

Still, I am happy.

I think of how let down I've been,

how love has abandoned me.

Still, I am happy.

(God, days like this

are rare indeed). 

I turn the doorknob

and the phone rings.

I am terrified.